Funny Marriage Quotes About Husbands

 

Funny marriage quotes about husbands are slightly different because you can’t necessarily say that your husband is loving, caring, or romantic. They might be all of the above, but the quotes need to reflect this fun banter between spouses. Here are some funny relationship quotes about husbands. These jokes about married life will make you laugh out loud.

Funny Marriage Quotes About Husbands

• Husband. Ever.

 

• Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended.

 

• I married him for better or worse — and so far it’s been better!

 

• Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

 

• Life is full of surprises. I never thought my husband would need glasses.’

 

• My husband and I never fight. If I say “maybe” he takes it as a “no” and if I say “yes” he also takes it as a no… #relationshipgoals

 

• I pretend to work; he pretends to care.

 

• Fun fact: ________ is my _________ hero.

 

• Share a laugh with my husband, best friend and lover. Oh wait, they’re all the same person. 😋

 

• I am marrying one of my best friends, but I got all crazy and decided to make it legal. Wife for life baby!

 

• I didn’t marry you for better or worse, I married you because I knew it would be worth it❤👌

 

• Any time I think my husband’s about to get mad at me, he always does something that makes me think, “There’s no way he gets mad at me for this.”

 

• When a husband and a wife agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary.

 

• When she’s angry, stop talking. When you’re angry, stop talking. In both cases, let the silence do the work.

 

• Like the wind under my wings, support is truly a beautiful thing.

 

• A Husband is more than just a name; it’s an investment!

 

• This marriage thing is hilarious. Jon seems to have gotten it right. 😚

 

• Oh, husband, I’m all out of snark.

 

• Marriage isn’t a word. It’s a sentence.

 

• Then I married him.

 

• My husband’s middle name is compromised. #HappyHusbandday

 

• My hubby always says “wasn’t me” when I ask him something 🤔

 

• Remember the vows you took? The things you were gonna do together? “Yes, honey.” “Never forget it.”

 

• This marks the moment we realized we gelled.

 

• If you don’t like what you can hear, just wait a minute!

 

• Some days you just have to laugh at the dichotomy that is marriage. – Katie Williams

 

• Marriage advise for men: make sure you have a dance partner.

 

• You just got married. Now your spouse owns you. I filed the papers today.

 

• When you have kids, your marriage gets better. Deeper, more connected, more meaningful. It’s pretty freakin’ awesome.

 

• I’m sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now. If you know your husband’s name, please leave a message…

 

• When you’re watching the show and you remember you have a husband—you drag him out. You drag him out of the house.

 

• What’s better than watching football with your buds? Watching football with the wife!

 

• Two roads diverged in the woods, I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference.’ #Husband

 

• Today, my husband is wearing a purple boa and carrying a #ManBag. Ahh, it must be just another Thursday.

 

• I’m not perfect. I’m just someone who deeply, madly, truly loves you.

 

• Through thunderstorms and hurricanes, I will love you more than ever before.

 

• Some of my most beautiful memories are the sound of your laughter and the feeling of your hand in mine.”

 

• If your marriage is going well, a little small talk can make it go great.

 

• What’s the only thing more exciting than a man who loves his wife? His wife loved him right back.

 

• When you love someone, their flaws are just quirks that make them adorable.

 

• Just married. #NoRegrets

 

• If I were a rich man, I’d do anything for you. Just not today.

 

• So every few months we take the kids out for a night on the town and we all forget how much we hate each other.

 

• I like you more than ok.

 

• I still don’t understand how she got the ring through security.

 

• I’m done taking selfies for the summer, I need my husband to take some nice ones of me.” – Unknown

 

• When I got married, the last thing I expected was for my husband to help with household chores.

 

• You’re not just my wife and the mother of my children. You were my first friend, and now we’ll be friends for life.

 

• My husband doesn’t have to get up early because he works nights.

 

• This is the first time I’ve ever yelled at my wife, This must mean we are married now.

 

• Just got married to my best friend, and now the adventure begins . . .

 

• When you find the love of your life, there is no need for any other proof.

 

• Wife: “I just bought a shawl and shawmaza.”

 

• Thanks for being my kind of crazy.

 

• Without you, I am nothing. With you, I am still not as smart as our children.

 

• We’re not even mad we won an award.

 

• Don’t forget to fall in love over and over again every day as you fall deeper into the day’s events. -Bruggon

 

• Life is about the journey, not the destination. So grab your travel partner, pack your bags and go!

 

• Our husbands may drive us crazy, but they are the only ones who can parallel park better than us. 😂

 

• Husbands will never understand.

 

• The only 2 people who believe in marriage anymore are me and my wife.

 

• It takes years to build trust, and just seconds to destroy it. If you think that’s too harsh, ask any married man if he trusts his wife 100%!

 

• I’m not bossy! You just don’t know the right thing to do.

 

• I don’t care what you say, stay with me forever.

 

• It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. –Abraham Lincoln

 

• Hubby is a beautiful word for someone who has been there for you since you guys were just a couple of kids.

 

• Happy National Spouse Day! Happy Anniversary to the guy who makes being a grown-up so much sweeter. Love, Wife.

 

• I got 99 problems and my husband is one.

 

• “For a successful marriage, it’s not how good you are at ‘Date Night.’ It’s how good you are at ‘Date Morning, Date Day and Date Night.’”

 

• Husband: Do we have enough coffee again?

 

• Like the best kind of friends, partners should be good for a laugh.

 

• A good man is hard to find, but if you get one, try to keep him.

 

• At the end of the day, I get to come home to you. There are no words, just kisses. ❤ #truelove

 

• For better or worse–and at the grocery store, for sure! 😂

 

• I don’t think you are ready for this jelly! 😎

 

• When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did….in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

 

• Whatever one loves is beautiful, for there is never a heart that sees beauty but finds love in it.

 

• As the husband of a beautiful wife, I’m never too far away to come to rescue her when she needs me.

 

• My husband is my soul mate. We’re shopping for our first home together.

 

• Being married means never having to take responsibility for your actions.

 

• A GOOD WIFE always forgives her husband when he’s wrong.

 

• I think my husband is secretly over me. Maybe I’m too young.

 

• Like I said, my husband, is getting an upgrade. And not just for the wedding ring.

 

• I just want my husband to be happy, even if that means I’m not.

 

• I’m not complaining, but… – The Wife

 

• You can add up all the reasons that I love you, but they will number more than the grains of sand on a beach.

 

• When is this storm going to blow over?

 

• “Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended” -Ancient Chinese Proverb

 

• My husband and I often laugh about how we started as friends. We were born the same year and had the same interests, but never thought of each other like that.

 

• Your honey, you’re on your honey-do list! How funny is that?

 

• Marriage License: $30

 

• One day you will kiss a man and he won’t be afraid to kiss you back.

 

• It’s a good thing we have gravity or else men would be constantly falling from the sky.

 

• When I say, “I do” I didn’t mean right this second.

 

• It is hard to live with a man who is proud of being a fool.

 

• Some people spend their entire lives wondering if they made a difference.

 

• One Half Of Two Halves Is Still One Whole.

 

Funny Quotes on Husband and Wife Relationship

• The secret to a happy marriage is finding the right person. You know, the one you can argue with. 😂

 

• Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

 

• Your Husband is just like a carpet you have to layer on the floor.

 

• He’s not perfect, but I married him anyway.

 

• I like the word Husband because it sounds like Snuggle on my lips.

 

• Being married to you is like having rollerskates on the bottom of my feet. You’re not always gonna be there to catch me when I fall, but at least there’s a chance.

 

• I married him for better or worse, but not for lunch.

 

• I married you because I’m delusional & thought you were a unicorn 🦄 #MarriageGoals

 

• The most beautiful view in the world is the one I get when I look into my husband’s eyes! #😍

 

• While you’ll always be my person, just for now, I am not your person. #Mumlife

 

• Getting married is like combining two people’s weird quirks into one big quirk.

 

• Ahh, married life. It’s great.

 

• We had a great first date—we got married.

 

• The reason why I take my wife everywhere I go is because she is the only one that can carry my credit card.

 

• Happy 10th anniversary to my honey. I can’t wait to start this next decade with you—and the first day of bowling season at Great Escape.

 

• Life is a beautiful struggle and I’m so glad we’re on the same side. Happy anniversary.

 

• Saying “I love you” with just one look in my eyes is enough for me.

 

• Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. #AbrahamLincoln

 

• Sometimes you just need to laugh, laugh, laugh at your husband’s goofy faces!

 

• A wedding is a day for a husband to get away from the woman he’s been married to for two years.

 

• There’s no such thing as a perfect husband. If he were perfect, you wouldn’t have married him.

 

• Marriage isn’t about age. It’s about finding the right person. Sometimes that happens at 20, sometimes it happens at 60. The only bad age is too young or too old.

 

• These are for my hubby. Happy anniversary!

 

• Marriage is like a pair of shoes, after a while, they’ve got to change.

 

• You can either laugh or cry. I choose to laugh. Thank you for being my partner in crime & life. #soulmate

 

• I’m that guy that when they ask how your day was I answer with ‘I’m great, thanks for asking.

 

• Bill, I think you are the bee’s knees. Honey! Honey? Honey, are you listening? Honey?

 

• The most comfortable and sweetest thing about marriage is knowing that someone’s always got your back. You’ve got mine 💙💜

 

• There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman—before marriage and after marriage.

 

• Husband: a master with a dust rag.

 

• She wanted to give him a nice wedding present, so she cooked him two pounds of bacon…

 

• I wouldn’t change you, not for all the money in the world. I love you just how you are, even with your faults (mwah!), and quirks (hehe), and flaws (haha). I like you.

 

• A nice weekend with you is all I need to make the world stop and see the good in life.

 

• You always have the final say. That’s why it’s called FINAL.

 

• In thirty years of marriage, I have never seen a wife throw a ball as hard as a husband. Jane Austen.

 

• Your wife is the reason your house doesn’t look like a bachelor pad.

 

• Behind every successful woman is a man who was smart enough to marry her.

 

• Marriage is one long conversation, checkered with moments of silence.

 

• Marriage is when you get it right the first time.

 

• My wife and I had a happy marriage. After five years we didn’t like each other but we continued the farce for another twenty.

 

• My wife says I never listen. Whenever she talks, I’m thinking about what to say next.

 

• I think it’s fair to say I love you. Simple, but true. You make me laugh, you make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, and I can’t imagine life without you.

 

• The best husband is the one who helps you laugh at yourself.

 

• Wonder what a guy’s thinking about during a day of errands with his wife? Us too.

 

• We’re still #couplegoals after all these years. 😍

 

• It’s the little things in life that make me crazy in love with you 😍

 

• I am glad I live with you, James, even if it is just in my head.

 

• I swear I’ll change.

 

• I will carry your cross cause I’m the Man of your Dreams

 

• A man should never be afraid to wear white socks.

 

• Coolest husband on planet #1: Last night my wife asked, “How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?” That would be funny to say to your husband or friend.

 

• Husbands are like shoes. Some work, some don’t.

 

• Happiness is having a husband who’s hard to shop for.

 

• I’m so glad I married my husband.

 

• What do you mean I can’t be brutally honest with my wife?

 

• Did you ask my permission? Because it seems to me, I’m the only one in this marriage who’s doing any thinking.

 

• I tell my wife “Do we have everything we need?” and she tells me to check the pantry.

 

• You think I’m funny. I think you’re funny. You’re my favourite funny thing.

 

• Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

 

• Is there anything more tranquil than sitting next to your wife, quietly reading together?

 

• We’ve been together for a long time, but we still like to pretend we’re dating.

 

• Living together is like eating the same food every day…after a while, you want some variety.

 

• Banana Pancakes is the only thing you’re good at, and I’m not sure even that’s true.

 

• A man only has to do three things in this world—wake up, breath, and drink coffee.